Chairman How's Glorious Army
Significantly Lowering the Bar Since 2008.

What we saw tonight is the difference between a true playoff level team and what we have.

I want to say this before I forget: Chad Kolarik saved that f’ing game. He should have gotten the number one star. Screw Bell and the rest of our blueliners who can’t help out their goddamned goaltender who stood on his head all night. That sweep Kolarik made from inside our crease was amazing when it happened (and better end up on the highlight reel). But that moment was made even more fantastic by the shit show at the end of that game. Had that puck crossed that line we would have seen that game go into OT and I can almost promise you it would have ended there with a loss. Who knows how the momentum of that game would have gone had Kolarik not been there to sweep that puck aside. We might not have even made it into OT. Holy shit. The trade was worth it just for that, even if he does nothing else the rest of this season.

Now that the praise is out of the way, let’s cut through the bull shit. What we saw tonight is exactly why this team doesn’t deserve to be in the playoffs this year. Period. The Crunch was playing some of the best hockey I’ve seen them play in years going into that third period. Mayorov was all over the place, throwing the body around, being the Max he should have been all year. Sigalet was caught doing several things right. Our boys were sticking up for each other and not letting the slew of bull shit penalties get them down. They were keeping it simple, putting the puck on net, doing what they needed to do. Moore was a face off winning machine and I’m so glad Frischmon has someone to help him out there now.

And then things started to fall apart. Seriously started to fall apart. When I say fall apart I mean like, that building next to 81 North fall apart.

Going into the third I could tell the Crunch was losing wind. They looked tired, unfocused. This team had finally been playing hockey for more than one period–they had played five so far, counting last night–and I could tell it was a game they weren’t used to playing. Considering it’s March that’s pretty sad, but that’s another story. Fact of the matter is, we were gassed. But that is no excuse for what followed.

Yes, that penalty that led to that first Portland goal was bull shit. But what we saw is exactly why the Crunch will get laughed out in round one of the playoffs should we make it there. The Pirates scored one goal. They got a break on a crappy penalty and caught our D snoozing. They were still down 4-1, but we could all tell that goal was going to be a momentum changer for Portland. Something crackled in the air when they scored. What we were looking at was a team that doesn’t give up, a team that doesn’t let a deficit get them down, a team that knew they just had to keep shoveling away and maybe, just maybe, they’d get the breaks they needed to win that game.

They almost did.

I have seen the Crunch fall apart plenty of times, but never like this. This is what happens when you have an offensively-minded defense. We have a defense that has scored 6 goals in two games but has also let almost 80 SOG in those same two games get at their goaltender. Think about that for a minute.

Let me put it another way: tonight our D scored three goals and then allowed the other team to score three goals in one period (almost four). So basically all their work up front was erased because they can’t do their freaking jobs and protect our own end. What’s the point of having a defense that can score if they can’t first defend? I’m so sick of saying the same thing every single night, but CBJ decided it didn’t need to reinforce our blue line. No, it decided we need more scoring power and gave away one of our only blue liners who could actually defend. Smart, that.

This was supposed to be a really happy and excited entry. Going into the third period I had nothing bad to say about anyone. That hasn’t happened since the first game of the season. But the Crunch relaxed, fell back, fell asleep, I’m not even sure how it happened. It’s so frustrating to look at a clock with 10 minutes left in a game and know, just know, that there is still way too much time left for the Crunch to come out with a win.

Joe Brown mentioned on the Shootout Show tonight how exciting it is to basically be playing playoff hockey in March. No, asshole, it’s not exciting. It sucks and we’ve been facing this problem for four years now. Last year we weren’t out of contention until the second-to-last game. The year before we had that run of 15 to get in. The year before that the team got Konopka and Glencross and those boys led a charge that just fell short. I’m sick of this shit. I’m sick of the drama, I’m sick of the heart attacks every single game gives me, I’m sick of feeling exhausted at the end of a game I didn’t even play in. I’m tired of having a team that can’t seem to get out of its own way and pull itself together until the very last minute.

I’m tired and cranky. I shouldn’t be. Everything should have been great. But simply put, this is what happens when you have no defense. This is what happens when you put a team with obvious playoff potential up against a team with pretty much no playoff potential. You know what’s sad? Up front we totally have a winner. With that group of forwards (finally) I think this team could go far. But they have no backup from our defense. Our goaltender has no back up from our defense. And that is where we will fall short and that is why we will lose.

It’s great we got two points tonight. Yay. The Crunch that played the first two periods tonight deserved those two points. But I hope I never see the nimrods who played that third period again. Go to bed, boys. Get some sleep. We do this all over again tomorrow. I didn’t expect to be sitting pretty on four points right now, so good job. But it ain’t over.